As I prepare to go home for the Christmas holiday, I am filled with conflicting emotions about leaving Nicaragua. I am planning to stay home for two months and then I will fly back here to work and live for at least another six. But I have been offered the opportunity to stay and work indefinitely, in a more influential capacity. My time at home will be spent doing some fundraising and networking for Hogar Luceros del Amanecer, the NGO I work for, but I will also obviously be catching up with family and friends and becoming reoriented to my natural born culture.
I have no idea what will happen to my frame of mind while I am home. Is two months so much time that I will have no choice but to become readjusted to my previous fast-paced life? Or is it just the right amount of time to miss Nicaragua and want to come back? Will I get so used to taking hot showers and eating green leaf lettuce that I will resent having to return to a life of lukewarm bucket baths and gallo pinto? Or will the children I have worked with, the people I have served and the relationships I have developed over the last six months be powerful enough to change the course of my life?
I have become very well adjusted here. I have a great job and good friends, I’ve gotten involved in community activities and I have even started dating. I want to want to return. But I am afraid that being in my own environment and speaking my own language will upset the flow. Being at home will give me some clarity, I am sure. It should help me to prioritize my life and to help me figure out in what direction I want it to go. But I can’t help but wonder, will my heart tell me something different then my head? And if that be the case, which one should I listen to?
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That is a big decision, and you’re right, coming home will definitely be life changing, too. I had always thought I would want to go live in another country – but after three months in Nicaragua, I had an unexpected change of heart. I became much more attached to home and the importance of being near my family. However, I also feel guilty for not being better at keeping in touch with my host family in Nicaragua, not going back for a visit, etc. It’s hard to stay attached to two very different places/lives.
I hope that my comment didn’t stress you out more.
Good luck!