When a fight breaks out at school, as a volunteer you neither really know what is happening nor are able to do anything about it. It’s a bizarre feeling to be such an unwilling and powerless observant. It’s these times, and those when I’m particularly cold, hungry, and exhausted, that for a split second (and it really is only that) I question whether or not my idealism makes a fool of me.
The cracks begin to show...
However, these moments of self-indulgence are really only that: split-seconds. The moments actually only ever hit me when I’ve spent less time than I’d hoped for with the students i.e. when classes have been canceled or other school events take priority. When such thoughts do cross my mind, something always seems to happen to make me totally ashamed of having them, like when two of my students presented me with the most delicious homemade bread that had my name baked into it for example. But I’ve quickly learned to recognize the warning signs (or cracks!) and usually, as old and decrepit as it makes me sound, what I need is to just lie down and rest my mind for a bit.
Besides, it’s these tougher times that are so much a part of what volunteers do and strengthen us as individuals. As much as we work to open doors and help makes things better for organizations and individuals, we also feed off the energy we receive in return and that gives us the impetus to keep going. Our experiences can have highs and they can have lows but forums like this also show how similar, but equally unique, the journey is for all of us.
Just last week I met another La Vida Idealist blogger. The opportunity to chat and share our thoughts and experiences was such an incredible boost, and a great reminder of all the reasons why we do this.
Amanda Patterson is currently teaching English and public speaking as a volunteer with Corporation for the Development of Learning (CDA) in Santiago, Chile
Latest posts by manzlpatt
- How to Learn a Language - July 22nd, 2010
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- Curious About Chile? 15 Facts and Fictions Any Newcomer Should Know. - June 29th, 2010
- Translation on the Fly - June 14th, 2010
- Reconstruction & Breaking In - June 7th, 2010
- Chasing Chile - June 2nd, 2010
