La Vida Idealist

Like Kent posted just a couple of weeks ago, saying goodbye is something nobody really prepares you for. (Kent, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience.)

I’ve been struggling with saying goodbye, too. “Goodbye,” “Adiós,” “Chao,” “Nos vemos” – there’s simply no easy way to say it. But for me “goodbye“ just doesn’t exist; it has to be “take care” and “see you later.”

We’ve all heard of the reverse culture shock that usually happens to those who return to their homelands or perhaps journey on to yet another new destination, but what happens during the time drawing near – the time when you haven’t actually left yet?

As a volunteer, I don’t think you can help but put your whole heart and soul into your every experience, and yet with that comes a small burden to bear – the emotional tear of having to move on often knowing that you might not have had the time to achieve all that you’d wanted to, for no lack of will, nor fault, of anyone.

How too, bid farewell to new families and friends, to the smiles of those who greet you and the warmth of spirit so apparent where service and generosity have no sum attached to them.

My time here is one I would not change for anything, and I feel like one of the luckiest people in the world to have had this experience. However, guilt is something I do struggle a little with – guilt for all the ideas I’ve had and haven’t had long enough to implement; guilt for having to go when there’s so much yet to be done; guilt for making all too brief an appearance in the lives of my students. I didn’t want to be another who just came and is now gone.

Yet there’s an expression I once read on a sympathy card and that has stayed with me ever since: “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

And that’s what I intend to do. Because at some point, this time inevitably comes and for volunteers I think it’s perhaps a necessity to regroup and recharge so that you’re ready for the next round.

I remind myself of what I did achieve; how technology (even with some limitations) makes it so easy to keep in contact; and how I may not have got through all that I’d hoped to but that perhaps the next person will pick up where I left off, or the one after, or the one after that one…. That’s not a failure on the part of any one of us – it’s progress.

And of my students, I always said that if I could inspire just one then every moment of my time here has been worth it.  As I thought of this again a few days ago and observed at least eight in a class of 30 so intently focused, I felt sure that just maybe there’s been even more than one.

Tears will be shed, of that I have no doubt but, beneath the waterfall will be a smile and heartfelt gratitude for the everlasting moments. I will feel proud of what has been achieved and be confident in my tenacity to continue in some way from afar. Lastly, I’ll neither bid “goodbye“ nor “farewell“ but a definite “hasta luego” and a “prometo” to return.

Amanda Patterson recently wrapped up a stint teaching English and public speaking as a volunteer with Corporation for the Development of Learning (CDA) in Santiago, Chile. She is currently traveling, but will be heading soon to Guatemala for her next adventure.

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